Dear GhanaWeb,

Back when I was in university, I fell in with the wrong company. I had friends who were involved in robbery, and somehow, I allowed myself to become part of it. Looking back now, I honestly don't know what I was thinking.

There is one night I have never been able to forget. We targeted a woman who had just parked her car and was walking home. She had a small child with her, probably between three and five years old. At first, we didn't even know she was pregnant.

We approached her, intending to take her handbag. During the struggle, one of the men I was with pulled out a knife and stabbed the woman. He also injured her little child.

I can still hear the woman's screams. I can still remember the fear on her face. We grabbed her handbag and ran. I didn't hold the knife. I didn't stab her but I was there and I was part of the group. I helped create the situation that led to what happened.

For years, I've tried to tell myself that I wasn't the one holding the weapon. But deep down, I know that doesn't make me innocent. I don't even know what happened to that woman afterwards.

I don't know whether she survived, how badly she was injured or whether her child still remembers that night and that uncertainty has become its own kind of punishment.

Life eventually changed for me. I left that lifestyle behind. I worked hard, got opportunities, and became a completely different person from the young man I was back then.

I got married and now my wife is pregnant with our first child. Since my wife became pregnant, I have started dreaming about that woman almost every night.

Sometimes I see her standing in front of me, saying nothing. Sometimes I hear the child crying and sometimes I wake up sweating, with my heart racing, unable to go back to sleep.

The strange thing is that before my wife became pregnant, I had managed to push those memories into a corner of my mind. I knew what I had done, but I tried not to think about it.

Now, every time my wife talks about our unborn baby, I think about that woman. When I see my wife's stomach growing, I remember that pregnant woman.

Nobody knows about my involvement except the people who were there. One of them is in prison, another is dead, the other person disappeared from my life years ago, and I have no idea where he is now.

I know that becoming a better person today doesn't automatically undo the harm I helped cause yesterday. But I genuinely want to know if someone like me can ever make peace with a past like this.

Should I try to find out what happened to that woman, even if doing so could expose me to consequences I have avoided for years?

If you were in my position, would you try to make amends after all these years, even if it meant facing the consequences of your actions? What do I do now?


FG/EB


Scenes from the funeral grounds of late Apostle Kwadwo Safo Kantanka